MAGAZINE GIVES WEBSITE FACELIFT, FAILS TO PRODUCE NEW CONTENT
San Diego, California - Wednesday, June 21, 2000. The Toilet Paper (Nasdaq: SHIT), the satirical magazine best known for it's mission of a copy of the TP in every restroom stall, officially relaunched the site today with it's "FIRST DAY OF SUMMER TP RELAUNCH". The site contains no fresh content, however, and other than an updated design, provides nothing new to its readers.
The relaunch comes approximately six months after the "new millennium" relaunch, which closely followed the November 1999, "Thanksgiving" relaunch. In fact, this is the 17th official relaunch of the site in its brief, three-year history. "We have always felt a certain kinship with the summer solstice," explains TP Freedom Fighter Bryan Kocol. "June 21st is the longest day of the year, which means more time to read the TP. It was a very appropriate day to announce a relaunch."
For this relaunch, the Toilet Paper planned to explore topics as varied as Stonewall Jackson's arm and the effects of pepper spray to the face. Readers were also to be treated to the official TP theme song and a big, hairy ass that would answer questions and help surfers find things more easily, but none of these projects came together in time for the relaunch. "We should be ready by July 4th, or perhaps by Khao Pansa, the Buddhist Day of Lent on July 17th", says Kocol.
"These are thrilling times," pronounces TP Editor In Chief Joe Steinberger. "June 21st, 2000 will go down as one of the most important days in TP history, the day we relaunched the TP by announcing a relaunch. We have never done that before. THE TP IS BORN ANEW!"
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